Life Lately

I am writing this with no other intention than documenting so that I can look back and remember the highs and lows of life at this current moment. I really want to do a better job of documenting our life, so Bennett has a record of his childhood when he is older. I sure wish I had a snapshot of what my mom was thinking and feeling during my own childhood. So, long story short, it is my goal to post something at least once a month....

Here are some thoughts that are swirling in my mind currently..


1) We are having a baby!! And I’m excited and terrified and thrilled and anxious. It’s funny because this pregnacy has been the polar opposite of my pregnancy with Bennett (mainly it was planned and I’m not throwing up every hour ;)). But it doesn’t make the process any less overwhelming. I am so very excited for the future of our little family, but there are a lot of moments of panic mixed in.

2) I have heard it before, and I know it logically to be true, but the other day I seemed to understand anxiety for what it really is: future tripping. Everything about anxiety is concerning the future. Worrying about what could or might happen. But if I am truly focused on this moment, there can’t be crippling anxiety present. A perfect example is the Fall season. I have spent the last month focusing on my dread of the upcoming winter. Thinking of how miserable the snow, cold, and awful roads bother me. How my mental health suffers in the winter months. But the problem with this is that I miss out on the joys of the beauty of fall. The beautiful leaves, the crisp air, etc. aren’t as wonderful as they should be to me, because my head is already in winter. So,  it is a current goal of mine to spend much more time soaking up the moment versus being stuck in my head worrying about things that could go wrong in the future. Much easier said than done, but I am definitely being mindful of training my mind to focus on the here and now

3) There are days I love living in the country (no traffic, friendly faces at the store, etc.) and there are times I hate it (it’s a muddy mess, inconvenient, etc.). And I am accepting that it is okay to miss things about city living. For months, I felt guilty not liking certain aspects of our location. I am realizing now, though, that there is power in honesty. And it’s okay not to love everything about our lives. It’s just not focusing on the bad that is crucial!

4) I am absolutely loving Bennetts age and stage lately. It is so fun to watch him develop his own interests and his own distinct personality. He is obsessed with all things robots, Star Wars Lego sets, and pretend play (potions, monsters, etc.). I love watching his creativity really blossom lately!

5) One day while Bennett was at preschool, I planted over 200 tulips bulbs, as well as a couple dozen phlox bulbs. And it dawned on me that when they bloom in the spring, we will have a baby!! What a miracle that growing a baby (and flowers) truly is!

6) At this stage in my pregnancy, it really has been smooth sailing so far. Sure there is anxiety with every thing that I consume, and smell, and touch. I am taking good quality vitamins, probiotics, and DHA. Making sure to exercise daily. I’m pretty much parenoid all the time trying to ensure that I am giving this baby the best home possible until May. So in the mental sense, this time around is very similar to with Bennett. But physical, it has been so much easier this go around. I am nauseas almost all day, but there hasn’t been the constant vomiting like with B, and for that I am so grateful.

7) I know I’m late to the party, but I am FINALLY to a point in my life where the opinions of others do not dictate the choices I make. It only took 33 years. I really had a revelation that this is MY life and I need to do what is best for ME. So, although it is never a good feeling to disappoint people or to make a decision that you know someone you love will disagree with, it is quite freeing to no longer put others’ approval into my decision making process.

8) I have moments every day where I think to myself, “Man, I wish I could freeze this moment.” And it is not lost on me what a blessing that is. I am grateful beyond measure to lead a life that regularly gives me moments like that.

9) Now that we have a baby on the way, my motivation to finish projects around the house is strong. I want to rip out the carpets, get new kitchen counter tops, paint the exterior of the house, and I could go on and on. Logically,,  I know that those don’t need to be completed by May, but I am definitely spending a lot of my time pestering Nick about those projects. ;)

10) I realized the other day that love between Nick and myself sure looks a lot differently today than it did at the beginning of our relationship. Almost seven years ago, loving gestures were things like flowers, fun weekend getaways, and romantic dinners. Now I feel intense love for him when he stacks the firewood close to the house, goes to Costco to get my current cravings, and rotates the tires on my car. Yes, our relationship looks different all these years later, but I’m so incredibly grateful for a man who is such a good provider.

11) My life is richer and lovelier than I ever dreamed. In dark moments, I need to remember that I am living the life I once longed for!